ADHD and Me by Simon Goulding

ADHD and Me: a blog by Simon Goulding, the Director of ADHD #sharp

Hi everyone, it's Simon here, the director of ADHD #sharp!

At the record label launch party and also in my personal life, I have had many lovely people ask for my advice on ADHD. I'm not medically trained to answer any particular questions, but what I can offer you is my advice to tell you how I have come to better terms with myself, plus also explain my own coping mechanisms and how they work for me. I can also signpost you in the right direction through an index of educational and enlightening links to places which can offer you support, knowledge and understanding. Here we go... P.S.... I'm going to try and keep it as brief and to the point as possible for those with fluttering inattentiveness!

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1: MY BRIEF HISTORY MOVING WITHIN THE JOHARI WINDOW AND THE BEGINNINGS OF ADHD #SHARP

Imagine a set of 4 windows, and within those windows things about you as a person exist!

THE UNKNOWN WINDOW: What you don't know about you, and nobody else does either.

THE BLIND WINDOW: What you don't know abut you, yet other people do know about you.

THE HIDDEN WINDOW: What you know about yourself, but what you don't tell to others.

THE OPEN WINDOW: What you know about yourself, and what everyone else also knows about you.

THE UNKNOWN WINDOW:

My ADHD has progressively moved from the unknown window to the open window during my lifetime. In the 80s, I was a loud and colourful kid who couldn't focus at school and had to go privately educated at a serious cost to my parents due to falling behind. I was in the unknown window: I had ADHD, but it wasn't commonly known about at the time. I stayed in this window until my early 30s. I'm fortunate that I have a job which manages well with ADHD: DJ-ing!

THE BLIND WINDOW:

My move to the blind window was when people started telling me I had ADHD and I refused to accept it. 'You've got ADHD!'... 'What's that, then?' ... 'Nah mate, I don't, I'm just lively!'

THE HIDDEN WINDOW:

After hearing it many times and a good few Googles later on what people were telling me, I accepted ADHD may be a possibility yet I was undiagnosed. I also I didn't want to stand out any more than I currently did, so I said nothing; it was a not-so-classic case of 'Keep Calm and Carry On'! This was my encounter of the hidden window, knowing something wasn't right, but not accepting it and carrying on... regardless.

THE OPEN WINDOW:

At the age of 35, I went to college and then university for eight years. I knew something was wrong, as I had to sit at the front of the class to concentrate, yet I STILL couldn't take it all in whilst REALLY wanting to. I studied for exams, yet despite knowing every answer for every possible question I COULD NOT ANSWER A THING! After listening to the other students half my age talk about mental health so openly and also after meeting my mate Aidan who also has ADHD, I started to seek a diagnosis so I could understand myself better and be more comfortable with who I was.

DIAGNOSIS:

I've been known to party hard and drink lots over the years. I knew this was a coping mechanism and I was honest about it when I finally got an NHS appointment for a possible diagnosis in 2019. The NHS told me I must go sober for 6 months before re-applying on to the 18-month waiting list. Whilst this was a setback, I was fortunate enough to get a diagnosis through my university whilst doing my Masters Degree.

THE NEXT STEP TOWARDS MY IKIGAI:

Lockdown in 2020 taught me I was much better at producing at home instead of in a studio. Indeed, I had finally worked out that I'm better working if I'm doing two things or more at once! If I'm making music at home I have my own space to pace up and down, I can have cups of tea and I can unload the dishwasher when I need a break! This got me thinking about using my open window to also help others and the idea of ADHD #sharp was born during Masters Degree, with the creation of Tigerlily's debut EP as my dissertation. After my MA, I applied for funding from the Arts Council to develop ADHD #sharp into a business.

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2: A BASIC POTTED TOUR OF ADHD

There are 3 types of ADHD and these are some basic symptoms:

1. Inattentive: this includes difficulty paying attention, inability to listen, failure to complete tasks, difficulty organising one's self, being easily distracted, etc

2. Hyperactive/impulsive: this includes fidgeting, excessive talking, always being active, interrupting conversations, etc

3. Combined type: a mix of both (this is me, by the way!)

Related conditions:

Anxiety, anti-social behaviour, disruptive behaviour, depression, sleep problems, ASD (autistic spectrum disorder), dyspraxia (physical co-ordination), epilepsy, Tourette's and other learning difficulties such as dyslexia and dyscalculia.

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3: ADHD AND ME

---Please bear in mind this is from my own personal experience---

Your average ADHD person has lower dopamine than an average person; us ADHD-ers crave MORE dopamine ALL of the time. This explains why we are always looking to do more, talk more, move on to the next task and interrupt everything with everything as we then get dopamine rewards as our brain feels validated. BUT... this can be at a cost to our health, finances, career and relationships. We start lots of projects and don't finish them and are easily distracted. There's so many things which make up ADHD it's different for each person and it differs between sexes.

ADHD affects me personally in many ways: I struggle getting to sleep due to having lots of racing thoughts, I have a short attention span in meetings and classrooms, I am disruptive in many situations, I'm terrible with budgeting, I procrastinate on important jobs, I have cravings and additions beyond belief, I think I can do double what I actually can and once a week I have extremely low depressive states which last between a few hours and a day or so.

When people see my weekly output they see someone who finds time to run DJ career, host a weekly radio show, direct a record label, release music under Missed Your Disco, balance loads of great friendships and still have time to exercise and do loads of other projects! I often get asked how I spin so many plates. The answer is coping mechanisms...

So HOW can you cope with ADHD and boost the dopamine without messing everything up and feeling sane (most of the time)?

-MEDICATION-

One option is medication. Personally, I've seen so many people have problems with meds for ADHD that I didn't want to get involved. It definitely has worked for some of my friends, but for the majority it hasn't. After doing some research, a TED Talk I saw explained that ADHD meds are like opening up a bonnet to a car and throwing oil over the bonnet. Yes, some oil will get into the engine, but eventually it will cause problems later down the line. I've added a link below.

I had made it to 40 without meds, so I decided to look for other alternatives rather than taking drugs for it. In the end, I found out I had been developing coping mechanisms for years without realising it and I then started looking for more to implement in my day to day life. I will dispense these to you now, along with the new ones I have learnt through others and maybe they will help you in the way they have helped me:

-EXERCISE-

It's simple, yet effective; nobody regrets a workout! I find being outdoors helps massively boost my dopamine and endorphins whilst relieving my stress and anxiety. I also couple my exercise whilst using my phone to send the mornings voice-notes and I may make a few phone calls which doubles up my output, and it wouldn't be out of place to be doing a vlog too! I reward myself with food straight after, once again boosting the happy chemicals as I LOVE FOOD!

-TALK RADIO-

The start of my education as an adult was by putting Radio 4 or 5 on at night on the way home after a gig. The subjects change every 10 minutes or so, keeping my concentration on driving whilst late at night. Podcasts are also great for this! I have recommended some in the links below. Blindboy is a MUST!

-MEDITATION-

This is key for helping me get to sleep. My meditation is simple: I count backwards from 300 to 0 and slow down my breathing. It makes me concentrate on my body rather than my mind, and as I think about the numbers rolling back I stop thinking about the 10 things I need to do as soon as I wake up. This eliminates the need for sleeping pills, something which I used to rely on.

-TAKING TIME OUT TO RING MY FAMILY-

I turn off everything distracting, make a brew and take an hour out at least once a week to call my parents, sister and friends. I used to do this whilst doing 10 things at once, and didn't pay attention to half of what they were saying. It's an effort but well worth it. Make it your own and get a packet of biscuits or eat some grub together. Connect!

-MINDFULNESS-

I find mindfulness works in busy places best. I often go for a coffee in Leeds Market, close my eyes and appreciate the work and love gone into making the coffee and the wonderful aromas it provides. I am thankful that I am here and listen to the hustle and bustle in the market. I clear my mind and open my eyes and appreciate here and now. After lockdown, this makes me appreciate life in all its glorious awfulness and wonderment in equal measure.

I also use mindfulness at gigs. Too often I can end up concentrating on other things than the reason I'm there: work I need to do, that new charger lead I need to order, when I need a wee next and looking at my phone. Again, I close my eyes and listen, open them a minute later and reconnect with why I am there. It helps me live in the moment and appreciate what I have.

-SITTING AT THE FRONT-

This is important if I'm at a lecture, in a meeting or at a service such as a wedding. If I'm at the front or nearer the front, I'm more likely to be more attentive, as I give direct eye contact to the people who have taken time to prepare for the reason I am there. It's simple yet effective; don't be the noisy kid at the back!

-LETTING OUT THE INTERNAL MONOLOGUE-

I worked in supermarkets when I was 16, and made a brief return during Covid. I forgot how lovely supermarket staff are at 6am, and also realised that most supermarket staff talk to themselves, so I must have picked it up there. Having been a dog owner, I used to talk to the dog loads, but after he sadly passed I've continued to do so. I find for my ADHD that I need to let out my internal ramblings, and if I don't then I forget things more and make more mistakes. My housemate notes that I'll get half way through singing a song in the shower and interrupt myself by shouting random things. I explained to her its not random, it's me speaking out loud something I need to do. If I hear myself say it , it's more likely to manifest itself as I'll remember to put it in my notes once I'm out the shower. Speaking of notes...

-EVERNOTE-

I use this note based app (others are available) to run my day to day life. It is an impossible to lose catalogue of my brain; a list of lists to run all areas of my life which keeps me super organised! I I've learnt to put any random thought down: things to do, finances, song lyrics, new music I need. I have a festival packing list ready for next summer and a list of jobs I need to do for ADHD #sharp plus a list of films me and Aidan need to watch. It's MINT!

-COLD WATER-

Cold water swimming, cold showers, cold water to the face: they all release dopamine instantly due to the chipper shock! Try it today for free! Money back guaranteed!

-TALKING-

I used to keep my internal monologue wrapped up and hidden; it did not work at all! These days, I let myself talk to myself out loud, as hearing my own words drives my self-motivation keeping things I need to remember at the top of my head. Talking to my friends, putting a status online, writing ideas down to discuss them later with people who aren't around all help. I hasten to add that I must (YOU must) ALWAYS remember at the end of a conversation to ask in return how the person I am speaking to is; it's so easy to forget to do this with ADHD! This also brings me on to...

-A HELPING HAND WITH MONEY-

I have executive dysfunction with money. I have had this from being a child. I went bankrupt at 25 due to credit cards and a bad career move. If I need to save, I'll spend it and I always think I have more than I actually do. It is a constant effort and I always end up needing to borrow a tenner despite earning good money. To help me save, I have a trusted friend who lets me deposit money in her bank if I need to keep it safe for a while. I used this a savings account which I added to monthly to save for emergencies for Patt Buster (my dog) before he passed away. When he inevitably did, there was money ready and easy to access.

-VOICENOTES-

A big game changer! Us ADHD-ers talk loads and struggle to listen! Then, as soon as somebody replies, we talk over the poor souls once again! Whilst our friends understand this, others who don't know us as well may think we are rude! I run most of my communication via voicenotes on WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger. I can concisely get my point across without too much digression. Once I get a reply, it is impossible for me to interrupt, and if my mind misses a key part of the context of the conversation because I got bored whilst put the washing out, I can go back and listen again. It has been the making of me getting things done and connecting with my friends much more personally!

-STRATEGIC PROCRASTINATION-

This is seen by many as a trait of ADHD which they detest. For me, it's my superpower, enabling me to work 12-14 hour days with ease whilst getting loads done. If I have a big project to finish such as writing this blog, then I struggle to start it for fear of failure. I used to procrastinate by going down the pub, watching TV or cutting the grass. I've now got my organisational process down to a pecking order of jobs for the day. I boost my dopamine by getting some of the jobs done I fear doing less, and then attacking the big one. This means I get loads done instead of getting nothing done. Sometimes the big job rolls on to the next day, but that's OK, because more will get done tomorrow. There's a great TED Talk from Look Mum No Computer on this below in the links.

-GETTING RID OF THE TELLY-

Every single day it was there; every single day it was on: the ultimate distraction for someone with ADHD. Bored of the cooking show? Watch some tigers instead! How about 30 music channels? You've also got to finish that series of the new David Attenborough! Chucking out the telly has been a game changer. I have a projector for films when pals are round and can also stream using my mac whenever I want to, but the omnipresent gogglebox went about five years ago. Yes, I still partake, but I only do this when I've exhausted all other aspects of life and need to sit down for an hour or so, perhaps when I'm hung over and definitely when I'm not well. Instead of it being something which is on every day or the week and the focus of an evening, it's something I can dip in and out of.

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I hope these have been an introspectively helpful guide on ADHD and my coping mechanisms; I also hope they may help you too. Below I have added some helpful links to pages, websites, playlists and other things to help you navigate ADHD either for yourself of someone you love. These have been helpful personally to me, and there are also many other wonderful things to help. Please share yours with me too.

Big Love,

Simon!

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